Friday, February 27th, 2009

6:02p- recorded thoughts, Feb. 27

*cue another minute of cackling and gloating*

(after successfully wrangling through an Excel spreadsheet via the use of SQL thereby saving a coworker an entire weekend worth of manual copy-paste hell, then noticing the Office "assistant" still sitting on her work desktop)

current mood:: [mood icon] vindicated
location: at work

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Tuesday, February 24th, 2009


current mood:: [mood icon] cheated
location: Nexus, Santa Clara
current music:: Dragon Quest V

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Saturday, February 21st, 2009

11:13a- recorded thoughts, Feb. 21
My leg's ready for another go.
I'm back up to 90%.
And I really, really wanna see the girl.

(in debating whether to go to Planet Granite this morning despite having crushed my tendon five days earlier and still on the mend from the cold)

current mood:: [mood icon] determined

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Friday, February 13th, 2009

I wanna wake up where you are.

current mood:: [mood icon] lonely
location: at work
current music:: Goo Goo Dolls - Slide

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Monday, February 2nd, 2009

8:36p- the local color
A couple weekends ago, I turned into a blue-haired freak. And I'm loving every minute of it! It's like I found the "this one goes to eleven" dial and cranked it up all the way up to octarine.

It works something like this...

1) Special Effects hair dye: it's like the THX logo screen for the rest of society.
2) Go to a bright sunny place with lots of sunlight and hippies, such as Hippie Hill in Golden Gate Park.
3) Similarly-colorful hippies will find themselves drawn to you and your bright shiny hair.
4) And suddenly there's lots of kissing.
5) It's pretty.

To illustrate, have some photos taken by [ profile] gentle_gamer:

From Andrea in the Haight

current mood:: [mood icon] bouncy
location: Nexus, Santa Clara
current music:: The Shamen - Move Any Mountain

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Saturday, January 17th, 2009

A big shoutout and thank you to everyone who came over for the leaner, more energy-efficient FNU last night. Much fun was had by all, in the form of Knights Who Say Ni, zombie bites, and animal-style fries.

For interested parties: there is no Plan B regarding tonight as of yet.

location: Nexus, Santa Clara
current mood:: [mood icon] awake

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Tuesday, January 13th, 2009

11:01p- so... this is it.
When I started searching my soul a couple weeks ago for the weaknesses, regrets, and shortcomings that would become this year's New Years resolutions, one immediately sprung to mind. However, search as I may, I haven't found any other resolutions to make for myself.

But it's a doozy. It's going to push me to discover and then exceed my limits. So... this is it:

MAKE MY MOVE. I'm not going to belittle the gains and growth I've made over the past few years, but it's time for me to cast off the rust and dust of complacency that I've settled into. There are people out there that would kill to have the potential that I possess, but I've yet to use much of it. This is the year that comes to an end. No more biding my time. No more being underemployed. No more excuses. This is my fucking year.

current mood:: [mood icon] determined
current music:: GLaDOS - Still Alive

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Tuesday, January 6th, 2009

Things have been rather hardcore so far this year. It's got me concerned a little bit. To the point where it's time for a formalized declaration of intent:


location: Nexus, Santa Clara
current mood:: [mood icon] determined

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Thursday, January 1st, 2009

8:19a- happy New Year!
Happy New Year everyone!

In reading most of the end-of-2008 posts over the last couple days, I'm realizing that 2008 was a pretty rough year for many of you. If I've been less-than-mindful of this fact and triggered anyone as a result, I apologize!

At any rate, I'd like to pack this year with as many incredible adventures, accomplishments, fun times, and new friends as I can. For some people, this involves starting the year by setting New Years resolutions; for others, it just means seizing life by the balls at any and all opportunities. ;)

[Poll #1323718]

current mood:: [mood icon] hopeful
location: office

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Wednesday, December 31st, 2008

5:58p- as 2008 draws to a close...
At the beginning of the year, I made resolutions and set goals for myself. Some were specific one-time events and activities I wanted to make happen. The rest were improvements I wanted to make for myself and within my own life, and even though 2008 ends tonight these will remain ongoing goals for myself.

As someone who used to disdain the concept of New Years resolutions, I'm pleasantly surprised at how well this worked out for me, to the point where I'll be doing something similar for 2009 in a few days. But before I can do that, I need to take a look back and reflect on how I did this year.

My goals were:
no more personal neglect. I've been give-and-take on this point. Becoming much more active has been fantastic for my physical and emotional well-being. But keeping this busy has come at a tradeoff: I've gotten neglectful of spending time keeping my tai chi practice fresh between sessions. Other things often get put off as well. Although I'm taking better care of things as a whole compared to last year, there's still plenty of room for improvement here.

get in shape. I've made some awesome strides - literally! I've been doing a lot of hiking, which along with tai chi have been great for my legs. I've also been doing indoor rock climbing, which has been pushing my upper body to the limits as well. I've trimmed off a few pounds from last year, nothing monumental but it has helped too. I'm in the best shape I've been in a long time, and I'll be continuing to build upon this from here.

eat better. Being busy means that I haven't been cooking much; up until recently, neither had my roommates. However I am paying a LOT more attention to what goes into my body. I'm cutting back on excess sweets and sugars, and I'm being conscientous of what and how much I eat when we go out. And I am earnestly cutting back on the amount of meats I eat weekly, which means more fresh fruits and veggies!

play hostess. This one wasn't a huge success this year; things started developing near the end that make this look a lot more promising for next year however. Dana's epiphany gave us the momentum to finally do some major cleaning though, which was the big obstacle to having guests over. Even the name we finally agreed upon for our place, Nexus, holds a lot of promise on this front. JP and Lydia's move means that we'll be hosting Friday Night Gaming probably once a month or so starting in January.

regular LJ posts. I had periods where I wrote more often and periods where I wrote less often, but I averaged out to about once a week which was way better than last year. What concerns me more, however, is that I kept finding ways to censor myself again and again, which meant I kept finding excuses to not write about the things important to me. LJ's Filter system seems to be the best solution. As a reminder: comment here if you want in on some of these filters.

get ?????????? up and running. Never happened; in addition with some of the changes and growth that took place this year, I may no longer be the right person for this task.

work on developing my empathy. This was actually a goal I made for myself the last time I tried doing New Year's resolutions... which was back in 2005. Considering that my other two goals for that year were moving to California and having surgery, and that the process of fulfilling both of those kind of threw my life out of balance, it's not surprising that it took this long for the right time and the right place for me to pick this back up.

As for the events:
Burning Man. BM 2008 ended up being a major turning point in my life, successful beyond my wildest imagination! I may at some point transfer some of the paper journal I kept into my LJ.

anime convention. Never happened; in hindsight, I wouldn't have had the vacation time or money needed to make this happen even if this plan ever had gotten off the ground.

visit my family. I was able to spend 4th of July weekend with not only my parents, but my brother was able to fly down for the weekend as well.

current mood:: [mood icon] accomplished
location: office

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Wednesday, December 24th, 2008

7:03p- solstice
Since I moved from Florida three years ago, one of the things I've missed the most is having a December filled with light, warmth, and love. Traditionally, the time change has triggered a decline in energy and mood for me... combined with the more pronounced cold and dark of California's winter, I've dealt with Seasonal affective disorder-like symptoms.

This year I've finally broken through this like never before. I've kept busy with awesome people and the adventure never ended. Being able to truly celebrate Thanksgiving and Yule with new family out here, gathering for special evenings like the Ecstatic dinner, and just hanging out, playing games, and having low-key evenings by myself and with small groups of friends. Jamming out as part of two separate Rock Band bands. Finally being in a place where I'm starting to delve into the recesses of my own soul.

The weekend before last, I had the pleasure of joining [ profile] gentle_gamer to see Alexander James perform in person. He just has so much fun with what he does, and that kind of energy is contagious... especially with a crowd of people who's been watching him perform every year. Some of the younger kids there have "grown up" to his music, a family tradition. And his music is quite magical in the first place. So much fun was had by all present.

This past weekend I seemed to have caught a cold. But I wasn't about to actually let that put a stopper to my fun. So on the 21st I went to a Yule ritual and celebration to mark the longest (and coldest) night of the year with people who are quickly becoming family to me. And on Sunday I fulfilled something I've been wanting to do for a very long time... I got to see a performance of The Nutcracker, with [ profile] gentle_gamer as my date! The music and the dancing were excellently done by Ballet San Jose, a memorable evening even if the house wasn't completely packed.

The strangest thing of all? Tomorrow feels like just another day. The magic and meaning once reserved for a single day is now for me spread out into an entire season. I like it this way.

current music:: Dream Theater - Finally Free
location: Nexus, Santa Clara
current mood:: [mood icon] gleeful

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Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008

Words go here. Or at least they should. Maybe if I have enough spare time tomorrow.

In the meantime: if you're visiting the San Francisco area (or will be in the next few weeks) and have time, we should hang out.

location: Nexus, Santa Clara

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Friday, December 12th, 2008

10:51p- reaching for plateaus
I spent some time today reading and reflecting on the past year's worth of memories. It all began when I met [ profile] lilyth_lindorie in the middle of April. A couple weeks later I finally met up with [ profile] chirik in person, and [ profile] gentle_gamer for the first time. It was like figuring out the missing piece of a chemical equation and then adding in massive amounts of catalyst into the reaction. Most of the wonderful friends I've met and incredible adventures we've shared started from there... and where things are going from here, that's anyone's guess!

A most curious thing occurred to me when I was looking over my resolutions for this year: not only did I succeed on almost every resolution from this year, but I finally fulfilled one from three years ago as well! I'm in the best shape physically I've ever been, and more unbelievably I've managed to become EVEN MORE ACTIVE here in the dead of winter!

Speaking of which, I'm already looking forward to going back to Planet Granite again (probably this coming Monday at this point). I love the feeling of clawing and pulling my way up with nothing but precarious handholds and tiny footholds, of having to figure out the calculus of the human body in order to reach that next outcropping, of being completely exhausted and overexerted and yet somehow mustering the strength to reach the next plateau. I love getting higher and higher along twisty, tricky walls like this one and realizing just how strong and flexible and spiderlike I can be. And then I look down and realize just how far down the ground is, and for one brief moment I feel that twinge of fear before I turn my own fears into such a wonderful ADRENALINE RUSH!

To all of my friends out there, thank you so much for making this such a blessed and awesome year!

current mood:: [mood icon] accomplished

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Saturday, December 6th, 2008

7:59a- [meta] tickets for the rabbit hole
After sleeping on the matter and giving it a little more thought this morning, creating a [meta] filter seems to be the way to go. Anything Not Really Mundane will go here... things like magick, ritual, energy, belief systems. (Although because of the way these things work, there'll still be a lot of mundane stuff anyways, since that's where a lot of the magick lies!)

Please comment here if you'd be interested in reading posts that are part of this filter. I have one hard requirement - anything beyond this filter, including comments from others, is a Safe Space and needs to be treated as such. That means respecting beliefs (even the ones you don't agree with), confidentiality, and whatnot.

current mood:: [mood icon] cold

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Friday, December 5th, 2008

There are things I want to talk about that are rather out there. But I find myself worrying too much about how ridiculous I'd sound.

It's my journal, isn't it? Then why do I censor myself so?

current mood:: [mood icon] anxious

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Thursday, December 4th, 2008

5:28p- friends cut.... kinda
I did a little pruning of my LJ friends list last night.

If yours is one of the journals I've defriended... well, you're probably not reading this anyways. Because I only cut a bunch of deleted and defunct journals, and some people who I've drifted apart from over the years and had stopped reading mine a while back.

Just a public service announcement.

current mood:: [mood icon] silly

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Thursday, November 13th, 2008

The fog that we had last night and early this morning was rather delightful. For some, foggy days and overcast nights are dreary and depressing, but they fill me with energy and thought and I love them.

It made me reminiscent of a month ago when Joyce and I went hiking at Russian Ridge, and the sheer mystical splendor we witnessed as a sea of clouds slowly rolled in and were bathed by the sun's golden honey and the moon's twilight palette.

...on a completely unrelated note, does anyone have any cameras you're planning to sell?

current music:: Dream Theater - Pull Me Under
current mood:: [mood icon] artistic

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Tuesday, November 11th, 2008

Over the past two months, I've been jokingly telling people that I went to Burning Man and never really came back. I'm starting to realize just how close to the truth it really is.

current mood:: [mood icon] amused

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Tuesday, November 4th, 2008

11:14p- winds of change
We have worked so hard and accomplished so much to get this far. Listening to President-elect Obama's speech and reflecting upon how he has conducted his campaign, I am feeling hopeful that this country may be back on the right track. "President-elect Obama"... the thought makes me smile. I know the next few years are going to be exciting, but challenging times.

The most important battle tonight has ended in a resounding victory. However, underneath this are a number of battles which have resulted in setbacks. Gay marriage bans on Florida and Arizona ballots have been passed, and a similar ban here in California is in danger of passing as well. Arkansas passed a ban on gay couples adopting which also prohibits unmarried straight couples from adopting as well.

The emotions and reactions I've been seeing the past few months surrounding this topic have been visceral... but it's more insidious than you think.

Sure, not everyone feels the same way about gay relationships and the role government should play in offering legal recognition of relationships. Sure, the matter in California may have been precipitated by a mayor's defiance and the ruling of "activist judges". But it was never this bitterly divisive until a cabal of religious-right organizations took steps to put it to the ballot.

And then came the mass-produced signs with a shiny happy heterosexual family.
And then came the stampede of ads and attacks with words twisted, truth warped.
And then came the mind games painting hate and fear where it didn't exist before. The horror stories involving your second-grade children having a liberal curriculum shoved into their faces.

Before we knew what was happening, our families and homes were divided, our own neighbors being twisted and led to believe they needed to defend themselves against us, a phantom threat that doesn't exist. Trenches of ideology dug with signs, banners, and protests marking the Maginot lines of our own cities and neighborhoods.

This is but one among many struggles facing us in the coming years. We are not monsters, any more than the majority of well-meaning people who cast their ballots against our rights in light of the lies told and fears fed them by the religious-right cabal. And while the first natural reaction for those of us who face having our rights abridged is to hate those who did this to us, it will take nothing less than pure compassion and understanding before we can start to heal the rifts that have been torn between us and our neighbors, our friends, our families.

You have already done so much in getting us this far. You've become part of your local grassroots organizations, contributed to Obama's historic campaign, flown out to California or Massachusetts to be married, and weighed the mountains of facts and figures with an open mind. Despite this, I have even more to ask of you:

Just be.

Be yourself. Live life and love life to the fullest. Enjoy every day of being single, or every day of being with the ones you love. Whether you are gay, straight, queer, or enjoy people regardless of gender, whether you've been together for a month or a decade, love with all your heart. Be honest with yourself, and be as honest as you are able with those around you. In time, people will come to see that something which creates such pure joy in peoples' lives can not be so wrong. And always be ready to extend the hand of friendship once again.

I cannot promise that change will come as quickly as we need or want. I cannot promise that it will come during the course of our lifetime, or the lifetime of our relationships. And I cannot promise that this battle won't resurface again and again, old wounds made fresh again and again. But I can promise that eventually we'll prevail. Inevitably, we'll prevail. This cabal of religious-right interests and their lies of hate and fear cannot help but crumble once they've realized they've lost their footholds.

This won't end tonight with the passage or defeat of Prop 8, or with the election of Barack Obama. But it WILL START tonight.

Let it begin with each step we make
Let it begin with each change we make
Let it begin with each chain we break
And let it begin every time we awake.

current mood:: [mood icon] determined

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Thursday, October 2nd, 2008

5:27p- THANK YOU.
If you've ever wanted to give me hugs or moral support, and I told you that I didn't think I deserved it, and then you hugged me or gave me support anyways, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means more to me than most people ever realize.

The past few months have been about starting to stand on my own two feet. Looking within for answers. Finding my inner strength and confidence. It has not been easy, and I've stumbled a lot too. The past few days in particular have been a big part of that test. I failed the test at first, but think I managed to pass it today.

We all have different sources that we draw our strength and power from. For me, my power and magic comes from my own self-confidence and willpower, and it is amplified when I am amongst friends and loved ones. So it is only natural that I was forced to face this with a shattered self-confidence, a divided and confused will, and afraid of being around the people I cared most about. And yet you were there, trying to get through to me. I was able to make it through this so quickly because of you. All of you. You who I talk to on a daily basis. You who I only rarely get to talk to. You whom I haven't seen in years.

So I want to do something very special to thank you.

As some of you know, I've recently started helping friends create safe spaces in their lives. And now, wherever you and I happen to be, will always be a safe space. When you are with me, YOU ARE SAFE. Whatever the burdens of the world you have carried on your shoulders, you can put down for a while. Whatever masques you wear before the world, you can take off and be free. Whatever you have been wrestling with, your secrets will remain with me and me alone. And no matter what, I will never harm nor judge you. This is my gift which I wish to share with you.

current mood:: [mood icon] energetic

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